There are characters I would trust with my life, many protagonists that I could name off the top of my head. However, what about the characters that I wouldn’t trust with a grocery list. I could name every villain I wouldn’t trust with my life (that makes this list too), but let’s make this more fun.
Lysander Au Lune – Red Rising
I don’t need to explain. Backstabber, loser, traitor, Roque 2.0 but I could at least trust Roque with a grocery list.
I am convinced Lysander would be so bored that he would utilize weaponized incompetence and not even try to look at the entire aisle. I wanted pizza sauce, he brings home canned tomatoes. Same thing, right? Get out of here.
Not to mention he would fill the cart with every free sample available because he is that easily influenced. Here comes the expensive stuff we didn’t need, just because someone said it was better.
Shallan Davar – The Way of Kings
This mainly refers to book 1 Shallan. She is someone who is going to make a poem about a rotting pepper she found in the vegetable aisle because she is THAT depressing.
Everything would be monologued, and she would be so angry that other people would be in the store and in the way from three aisles over. Neverending whining and complaining. She would be so inconvenienced that you would feel bad about giving her a list in the first place.
She is also someone who has very strong opinions. I could ask for some doritos, and she would bring home a potato and tell me to bake my own because it’s that unhealthy. Please let me live my life.
Tamlin – ACOTAR
Again, do I really need to explain this Character.
Pompous. Everything you ask for would be judged because you dared to ask him to shop like a peasant. And of course, we couldn’t go past certain places without thinking of a certain someone. Then he raged and destroyed the grocery store.
He would probably go to the most expensive grocery store around to feel less out of place, but then still swiped your card. You could ask him for an apple, and he would bring home a bell pepper because it was red and he “didn’t really look at it”. Another weaponized incompetence man.
He came back with nothing from the list and a grocery bill three times the price you would have paid somewhere else.
Hoid – Cosmere
You gave him the list, he said he would be back shortly. He came back a few days later. He brought you a story instead.
Blade – Assistant to the Villian
Oh sweet Blade. I would trust him with many things, my grocery list not being one of them. He is a little too secretive and would probably sneak some snacks on the list because he shopped hungry. The grocery bill would be twice as high, but brought home some awesome snacks to share.
I would feel bad because he is very willing and kind enough to go to the grocery store, however he would also be so flustered in a grocery store to get the correct thing, he would accidentally bring the wrong thing back. Unless he brought the dragon with him, then certainly nothing is coming home because the entire Fluffy burned down the store.
So long as Fluffy the dragon didn’t eat the whole haul before it got to you.
Who would you trust and not trust with your grocery list? I included characters I like and don’t like because I don’t feel like we can trust our favorite characters with everything. That’s just toxic
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